Assertive Communication Skills
"I" Message Format

Resources for Clear Communication

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Four Levels of Communication
(Look for what is best for all concerned!)

4^th Level of Communication Do like
	Task Involved Affirming & Confirming
		Typical Statement "Thank you! I like this"
			Typical Reaction "You're welcome!" Satisfaction Problem = solved
				Rationale Helps to sustain what is wanted. Helps to maintain close relations.

3^rd Level of Communication Would Like
	Task Involved Feeling & Requesting
		Typical Statement "I feel ________________ because ____________." "I'd like ______________." "Will you ____________?" Disguised Opinions: --> I feel like you were a _________________. -->I feel that you are a _________________.
			Typical Reaction "Yes" [then go to level IV] "No" [then negotiate as follows] √ If not, then will you reconsider? √ If not now, then when? √ If not that, then what? √ If not you, then who? √ If not there, then where? √ If not this way, the now? √ If not for this reason, then why?
				Rationale Helps to recognize needs and get them fulfilled. Feelings are indisputable; they just are.

2^ne Level of Communication Don't like
	Task Involved Observing & Complaining {Ann Landers: bitchin-an-moanin}
		Typical Statement "You are a ____________!"
			Typical Reaction "I am not!" DEFENSIVE "So are you!" FIGHT = Counterattack "I'm outa here!" FLIGHT = Withdrawal Dissatisfaction: relationship = worse
				Rationale Does not help, but it's easy and automatic. Opinions are debatable.

1^st Level of Communication Conspiracy of Silence
	Task Involved Protecting & Avoiding
		Typical Statement {Not said at all, just a thought} {"Let's not be ugly or talk!"}
			Typical Reaction [Not said at all, just thought.] ["Let's not be ugly or talk!"]
				Rationale Does not help, but everyone can remain passive. "If you can't say something nice, …"

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Assertive Communication Skills"I" Message Format

Resources for Clear Communication

Four Levels of Communication (Look for what is best for all concerned!)

Assertive Communication Skills
"I" Message Format

Four Levels of Communication
(Look for what is best for all concerned!)