Assertive Communication Skills
"I" Message Format

Resources for Clear Communication

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Four Levels of Communication
(Look for what is best for all concerned!)

4th Level of Communication Do like
	Task Involved Affirming the person Confirming they got it right
		Typical Statement "Thank you! I like this"
			Typical Reaction "You're welcome!" --> Satisfaction
				Rationale Helps to sustain the relationship and the behavior desired
3rd Level of Communication Would Like
	Task Involved Scanning your feelings Making requests to improve things
		Typical Statement "When ______________" "I feel _______________" "because ____________" "I'd like _____________" "Will you ___________?"
			Typical Reaction If "Yes" - then go to level 4 If "No" - then negotiate If not that, then what? If not now, then when? If not you, then who? If not here, then where? If not this way, then how? If not for this reason, why?
				Rationale Helps to recognize needs and get them fulfilled Feelings are indisput- able; they just are.
2ne Level of Communication Don't like
	Task Involved Observing the situation Complaining about it
		Typical Statement "You are a ____________!"
			Typical Reaction "I am not!" = DEFENSIVE "So are you!" = COUNTERATTACK "I don't care." = WITHDRAWAL
				Rationale Does not help, but it's easy and almost automatic. Opinions are debatable.
1st Level of Communication Conspiracy of Silence
	Task Involved Protecting "the innocent" Avoiding conflict
		Typical Statement {Nothing at all, just a thought} {"Let's not be ugly or talk!"}
			Typical Reaction {Nothing at all, just a thought} {"Okay with me. Whew!"} ---> Dissatisfaction
				Rationale Does not help, but not one has to be the bad guy. "If you can't say something nice,…"

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