Christian Counseling in Spokane, Washington
Counseling for Individuals, Couples and Families
Four Levels of Communication
(Look for what is best for all concerned!)
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4th Level of Communication Do like |
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Task Involved Affirming the person Confirming they got it right |
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Typical Statement "Thank you! I like this" | ||||
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Typical Reaction "You're welcome!" --> Satisfaction | ||||
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Rationale Helps to sustain the relationship and the behavior desired | ||||
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3rd Level of Communication Would Like |
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Task Involved Scanning your feelings Making requests to improve things | ||||
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Typical Statement "When ______________" "I feel _______________" "because ____________" "I'd like _____________" "Will you ___________?" | ||||
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Typical Reaction If "Yes" - then go to level 4 If "No" - then negotiate If not that, then what? If not now, then when? If not you, then who? If not here, then where? If not this way, then how? If not for this reason, why? | ||||
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Rationale Helps to recognize needs and get them fulfilled Feelings are indisput- able; they just are. | ||||
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2ne Level of Communication Don't like |
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Task Involved Observing the situation Complaining about it | ||||
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Typical Statement "You are a ____________!" | ||||
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Typical Reaction "I am not!" = DEFENSIVE "So are you!" = COUNTERATTACK "I don't care." = WITHDRAWAL | ||||
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Rationale Does not help, but it's easy and almost automatic. Opinions are debatable. | ||||
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1st Level of Communication Conspiracy of Silence |
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Task Involved Protecting "the innocent" Avoiding conflict | ||||
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Typical Statement {Nothing at all, just a thought} {"Let's not be ugly or talk!"} | ||||
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Typical Reaction {Nothing at all, just a thought} {"Okay with me. Whew!"} ---> Dissatisfaction | ||||
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Rationale Does not help, but not one has to be the bad guy. "If you can't say something nice,…" | ||||
Read about the "I" Message Format.
