Christian Counseling in Spokane, Washington
Counseling for Individuals, Couples and Families
Assertion Skills
How to say "No!" without losing the relationship
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Perfectly valid no.
"I've been out three nights this week. I'm staying home and watching television with the kids."
Say it like you mean it!
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No-after-saying-yes no.
"I've made a mistake. I shouldn't have committed myself. I'm sorry. I'll have to back out."
Hang up the phone and give a huge sigh of relief!
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Five Star no.
"I'll have to pass it up."
There's no comeback for this.
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Not-right-now no.
"I've done it in the past and I'll do it in the future, but I can't do it now."
You can offer them a target time to try you again.
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Polite no.
"I'm sorry, but my schedule doesn't permit me to take on anymore obligations this ______________."
(fill in the blank with: afternoon, week, month, year, decade…]
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No-way no.
"No."
This one is for a teenage son who wants you to call your friends for a ride so he can have the car. Look directly into his eyes, smile, enunciate clearly. Just say "No."
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Diplomatic no.
"It was kind of you to think of me. I'm flattered you asked. I'm sorry I won't be able to do it."
If you're not sorry, then don't say so!
- Cowardly no.
"My _______ doesn't want me to do that."
[fill in the blank with: husband, wife, mother, child, boss, therapist, pastor, etc.]
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Absolute no.
"I cannot do this. I don't have the desire, the time, the interest, the money or the energy. No. Absolutely not. Never."
Save this for only special occasions.
- Negotiated no. {Refuse with an alternative to substitute.}
- "No, I will not do that, but I will do this instead: ________." [fill in your plan]
- "No, I will not do that, but you could ask _______ instead." [fill in another's name]
- "No, I will not do that then, but I'd be willing __________." [fill in when you would]
